Welcome 2010

Happy New Year!

I'm gladly saying goodbye to 2009. The past year brought a lot of heartache and frustration. There were far too many deaths this past year. I lost an uncle and two aunts. A cousin lost her husband. Also lost was a man who was a wonderful advocate for the Special Olympics bowling program. My daughter experienced a couple losses herself with the sudden passing of a friend's father and the tragic death of a school friend. There were others this year that touched the lives around me. I just pray the trend ends.

It was also a year of great frustration with my job. The challenges of the project I am working on took a great toll on me emotionally and physically. At times I felt like I lost total control. I've gained weight, have quite a few more grey hairs, and acquired more wrinkles on my face. I got into a negative spiral that I couldn't stop.

Health wise, it was a challenging year. I've been dealing with bone spurs in both feet which make walking difficult and painful at times. The decrease in walking has contributed to the weight gain. The symptoms of perimenopause have plagued me all year, giving me bouts of insomnia and irritability. And in October, I had a breast cancer scare, but fortunately all the tests came out negative.

Now it is 2010. I can't do anything to prevent losing loved ones this year except pray that it doesn't happen. I can change the effect my job is having on my life and how I take care of myself. I bought myself a treadmill and plan to walk on it everyday to help deal with the stress. I also plan to go to work each day, knowing that all I'm asked to do are the tasks given to me. I'm going to try to emotionally divorce myself when things are not being handled they way I think they should. By the end of 2010, this project will be over and hopefully I can move on to better things.

This morning while reading the news paper, I had a little epiphany about New Year's Resolutions. Resolutions shouldn't be about things I can't directly control. Losing weight has been a great frustration for me. It is very difficult right given many factors in my life. I get very frustrated when I lose 2 pounds one week and then gain 3 the next. It is hard to keep motivated when the progress is so erratic.

This year, I'm not resolving to lose weight. I'm resolving to take better care of myself. I'm going to exercise every day. I'm going to eat more healthful foods. And I'm going to stay away from the ubiquitous treats that are brought into work by co-workers. I'm hoping that I'll get a side benefit of losing some pounds, but if I don't, I'll at least feel better about myself for taking care of me.